Dear friends
There hasn't been a post for a long time now. Not for the lack of stories (three in the pipeline) but for being otherwise occupied. I can see now, in retrospect, that God was aligning me and repositioning me for His purposes. It was painful. I was hurting. I was the broken vessel that God soaked, remolded, and placed back on the wheel, but I was put through the fire this time.
As I'm writing this, my tears baptise my soul as my spirit cries out to deep. I am tired to the bone. I haven't been sleeping much with sick, needy babies. Anyway, I haven't been sleeping more than two hours at a time for more than two years now. It is my baby season again, but it is particularly hard and more challenging the second time around. My body is worn. Mentally: feeling a bit fuzzy. In my weakness, God's strength is made known!
I had the privilege to minister to my dad and contending for healing by faith, prayer, and laying on of hands. It was an emotional journey. While we were visiting my parents, I took my kids to the town I grew up. The library is a magnificent brutalist architecture building, three stories high, and it is a readers' exploration heaven. We also visited the home I grew up in later years. I was shocked to find it in devastation! I asked God what happened? I think there is a lot about the spiritual realm, presenting in the physical that we know little about. It was hard to witness and remember all the weekends of hard work, gardening, and efforts we plowed into that home with love - all gone!
Then we moved - as we entered Joburg, I could feel the business press on my spirit. It feels like since we arrived, Joburg has been trying to push us out. It's a hardship upon hardship, challenge upon challenge, and wave upon wave. Quite the autumn rains that welcomed us. We nearly lost our tent roof but luckily got away with only a bent pole and soaking camp furniture. We moved our home out of the muddy puddles in the rain, nearly jackknifed as the wheels couldn't grip. Soaking wet, Derrick and I pushed the caravan. At least we could enjoy a laugh afterward.
One of my dearest friends of almost twenty years had passed away at 39years old. She is now rid of her worldly sorrows, but my spirit mourns as I can't say what her relationship with God was like at the end. I tried to reach out, but the enemy prevented our getting together every time. I am grateful for every phone call I set time apart to spend with her. I can only hope it was meaningful to her. The saddest part of this story is that she died the exact death she feared most. My heart is so saddened and grieving a lost opportunity.
We had to battle through some very tough choices and changes. I wrestled as I sought God's face in the matter. Then felt like it exploded in my face. It caused some serious ripples in our marriage, but we grew, and God ironed the situation out in the end. I also received a hard Word from God that I had to chew on and work through.
The last wave knocked me hard, and I went under, unable to come up again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get up for air. I was drowning, and something kept pulling me under. The more I tried to swim up; I was unable to. I am so thankful for Godly friendships. In my darkest hour, a friend reached out, and at precisely the right moment, she could hand me the tools to get out of the pit.
God ministered to my heart and picked up the broken pieces where I didn't even know I had brokeness. I can imagine that it was how Elijah must have felt when the angels fed him under the broom tree. We go through different seasons. We grow, and we get stronger in Christ. As the saying goes: "Smooth water never makes skilled sailors!" We are more than overcomers through Christ, and by going through the fire, we become a powerful instrument in the hands of God.
I am now waiting for this new season God brought me to.
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