I had a total meltdown. I didn't see it coming. Deep down my heart was so overwhelmed, trying to make sense, but the puzzle didn't fit anywhere...
We've been talking about my husband's calling to go evangelise for a while. Finally the wheel is on the roll. Our house is sold and while the lawyers process the paperwork, my mind is hanging by a thread. My mind cannot grasp what God is busy doing and how He is going to come through. It is heart cutting painful to the flesh.
When the assessor came to do the evaluation on the house, the penny dropped and things got real! We've stepped out of the boat, all we have left is to start walking on water. There is no frame of reference, no safety net and no plan B. I stepped outside the house and as the tears streamed down my face, God cried raindrops on me for joy: "Good faithful servant, PRESS ON!" The only thing moving me ahead is the fear of the Lord, but my flesh is desperatly trying to get back in the boat.
Letting go is hard.
Total real surrender is being torn in half, walking through the fire, hoping the reward will surpass the pain.
I'm in the middle of a storm, halfway under water! Trying hard not to think about what size sharks are down there, ready to have a gnaw at me. Also, while learning to get my feet above the water, in the raging storm, to keep a smile and good attitude. Drowning is not an option!
Then, unexpectantly , God came through. When I was done mourning our home, our comfort, God's peace settled my heart. I found myself standing in the rain again a few weeks later, but this time in complete surrender, peace and joy. We are now waiting on God to open the right doors...
So often we see people with amazing fruit in their lives, but we don't always see or hear about the hard journey to get there. So here I am sharing the rawness of the toll a journey can take... People often had a go at me for being so open, but I can see how that is God's heart for everyone on a journey with Christ. Sometimes we think, that person is just lucky or everything just falls into their lap. I read a brilliant story today. The secret of life: A cow doesn't give milk! You have to get up early, walk through cow dung, catch the cow, tie the legs and then make the correct movements to get the milk out - you have to labour for it!
We will be sharing our gospel journey as disciples of Christ on this blog. Please stay tuned for more about our 6 bear 🐻 journey ❤ and keep us in your prayers.
Romans 10:15 "How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace and bring glad tidings of good things!"
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