It's been quiet. No words flowing. Only jabbling. Words drifting, scattered, unable to come together to give meaning.
I'm standing in the aftermath of the battle. It's not a pretty picture! Never is. Destruction everywhere. Emotions are unsettled. No clean-up squad?
Our neighbour's little girl is playing in the mud from the previous night's rain. I'm thinking, " Oh no! That's not going to be an easy-clean, so glad it is not my child!" Deep down I find myself longing to be that carefree. I realised that inside of me is a little, wounded girl, longing to come out and play in the rain. The world's perceptions and expectations made me lock her up and replace her with a machine-like version that must perform non-stop, with no time to play.
This made me question, what /who shaped my perceptions and be ready to accept that they could very possibly be utterly flawed! So I started a journey in search of that scared, little girl, locked up somewhere in my soul. To set her free, bring healing and replace mere perceptions with Truth of God.
I never knew how broken I was! Trauma and sin have left my soul scattered, which created an open playground for the enemy. I bled and vomited all over people, then felt sorry for myself, because I felt they evaded me. I stank in the spirit and I was totally blind to it. God showed me grace and mercy. Once I decided to seek Him out, He reached out to me. It took years for me to grow, heal and understand His ways. Looking back I can not phantom that He had so much patience with me.
Now, it sounds so easy on paper, but after God revealed my brokenness and started healing me, I had to put in the effort to renew my mind, find scripture to war with and wrestle with God. Sanctification is a continuous walk with Jesus. Washing with the Word daily. It is like digging a new route in your mind and burying the old route, little by little. Daily choosing to operate in the spirit and not in the flesh. I see how people choose to stay in their brokenness, because the walk to freedom is hard or because of lack of knowledge. We have to seek God out to show us our hurts and with that the maturity to stomach it, long before the work starts.
On days when the wheels come off, I have to repent for my bad attitude while acknowledging that there is still a part of me in need of redeeming. I then have to put in the effort and actively choose to change. God doesn't decide for you, He has given us free will, so that when we turn to Him, it flows from a love relationship and not a genie in a bottle complex. We would never realise that we are in need of redeeming, if everything was perfect all the time. I'm looking forward to that in our eternal home with YHVH!
I wish I could impart to you the freedom once a part of your broken soul is redeemed, washed with the blood of Jesus and restored to God's image. He wants restoration for all His children. Admittedly I'm still a work in progress, but when I exchange the temporary for the permanent, I shall be in glorified state...
2 Peter 1:5-9 For this very reason make every effort to add to faith goodness; to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance, to perseverance, godliness and to godliness, mutual affection, and to mutual affection, love for all. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind...
Comments