Recently I went through one of the worst "dry seasons" I have ever experienced! It felt like the enemy was washing the floor with me and, more than that, desperately trying to take me out. I could really understand how easy it is for a follower of Christ to forsake all when the enemy gets you in that space. I wish I could report that I maturely handled it in a Godly manner, but the truth is that I numbed myself with worldly pleasures. The more God called to me, the more I numbed myself because I believed the lie that it is easier to anaesthetise than to face the pain. I couldn't get myself to snap out of it. The fruit was unpleasant.
Then came the call. My mom was frantic! "Something is wrong with your dad, and I called the ambulance!" I couldn't discern whether I was too numb to respond or calm in the spirit. Shamefully, I suspect not the latter. Slowly reaching out to God, looking for a way out of the drowning waters, I read these words from C S Lewis: "...I have always found that the trough periods of the human undulation provide excellent opportunity for all sensual temptations..." Wake-up call! And suddenly everything became clearer: It is not anything I do that can get me out of this mess, and it is only the grace of God that came and swept me up. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
God, in His faithfulness, confirmed this with a piece written by Sarah Jubilee: "I am not asking you to be perfect, I am not asking you to always be strong, never to fail and fall, but I AM asking you to choose covenant with Me so that I can be strong when you are weak so that I can be gracious and compassionate in your imperfection so that I can pick you up when you fall and mature you when you fail." Tears welled over my cheeks, and I could finally run to God, not away and surrender without fear because my Father got me!
God knows. He knew that soon after this season another tough season would arise and if He did not defibrillate my spirit, I would not have been ready for the next wave. God kept me strong, in circumstances, I should've felt utterly hopeless. His infallible mercy and out of a place of obedience, I could stand firmly on the rock that was Jesus. And when my feeble knees buckled under the weight, I choose to look back and see the places I still need to grow, heal, and mature.
One thing is for sure: we come out of battles forever changed! I can fall into my Father's loving embrace, ready to start a new page.
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