Oh, motherhood! I want to start by saying that this is a sensitive subject for many. Everyone's experience of it differs. I want to tread lightly on the hearts of others while also being transparent and honest about my journey. Let's face it. Motherhood is not easy, but not an impossible task. I think it is safe to say we all want to raise healthy, mature kids that love our Lord Jesus Christ and have a relationship with Him. I believe Jesus has also redeemed motherhood at the cross. We have been freed to mother as God intended from the beginning - we need to seek it out.
I have had many requests to write about raising four kids in a caravan. Yet, the words seem to elude me. I suppose it is like raising kids anywhere else- kids will be kids - no matter where you find yourself? Yes, it might be a bit smaller on the inside, but our outside world has grown tremendously. Also, I think God makes me forget hardships; otherwise, I would not have the strength to carry on.
This world is full of moms struggling and way too little Godly encouragement, support and tools to cope. We are so hard on ourselves, which sometimes makes us hard on others. As I felt I was drowning, I grasped for any Godly writings on motherhood I could lay my hands on. I was like a sponge just soaking up the Word. I want to be more tenacious, like a badger fighting for my kids- God's way. Seek His Word for scriptures and pray it over myself and my children. I want to enjoy my kids more and not get stuck in frustration or hardships. Refusing to get discouraged and slack, then allow the world to shape my kids. It is pretty easy to get discouraged if you look at circumstances. Not to fall into comparing my kids but embrace their Godly individuality. Raising kids is hard continuous labour and input, waiting long for fruit. Endure, dear friends!
"If you want a clean shed, keep the cows out!" I heard this saying at a homeschool summit. Proverbs 14:4 "Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox come abundant harvests." Sure, we have physical and spiritual messes all over with kids! Some of that messes are my incapability to cope or feeling overwhelmed. I find the poor character my children display is often precisely the errs in myself God wants to iron out. I was so blinded in frustration cleaning up after six people that I forgot to enjoy my kids. God had to work on my attitude. I couldn't establish a lasting change out of my own doing. It hit home when my friend Tjaart told us he asked God why humans take 18 years to mature, wherein His glory could have ordained it for much less. God answered him: "So that you could enjoy them." Focus on the harvest and not the messiness. We are building with eternity in mind.
What I've learned and faced while on the road is different from the comfort of a house. I found the realities of life much closer on my doorstep and not just something you read in a newspaper. I don't consider myself a fearful person, but it grips when it gets to your kids. I have to let go of fear daily and surrender them to God and trust Him completely for their protection and safety. Then comes the test: Will I be a doer of the Word and put words in action. These tests came as; dealing with a sex offender, guiding attitudes and emotions, poisonous plants and animals or finding my lost child at a play park! It felt like my heart was ripped into pieces when Jusia got stung by a jellyfish. I've never seen skin react like that! I swallowed my tears, looking helpless at my child, screaming and twitching in pain. I learned a few lessons in that situation. Most important: Abba's voice saying - "Trust me."
So here is the raw truth. I was a perfectionist. Perfectionism clouded my vision, and I saw the world through very frustrated and irritated lenses. The expectations I put on myself, I also expected of my kids and others. Discerning the lies in this matter was a particularly tough lesson. It felt like multiple snakes strangled me at once, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not get loose. It refined me. Perfection and criticism hold hands and have a damaging effect on children's identity and self-worth. I have to choose to think differently now. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff and stay focused on Jesus. If something bites at me, I must ask God to reveal the root in my heart so that HE can refine me. Refinement never ends while we walk this fallen world, neither easier.
When it comes to mothering, I suppose God embedded self-sacrifice in our core. Mothers naturally place children's needs before her own, constantly serving, lovingly pouring ourselves out for our family and displaying an essence of Jesus through mothers! Motherhood awakens a capacity a woman did not know she possessed. I used to be a very selfish person, not realising it. I got so angry when the kids inconvenienced me! God freed me from my anger, but I often have to keep irritation in check so that it doesn't erupt into a vomit volcano all over the kids. Even losing control and screaming, which I thought was a standard way of parenting or covering my sin as 'passion'. God lovingly showed me that He does not yell but gently leads. God help me to guide my kids gently! Baptise my thoughts and flavour my words as a sweet aroma!
Unintendedly, I think the children and I have become the face presentation of our ministry because we're outside, going about life. When people approach and ask questions, we're also the welcoming committee. Not all come with good wishes. Then I have to trust God to protect our hearts. Sometimes I feel a bit thrown to the wolves. These are the times I have to stand on God's Word and remind myself why we're on this journey.
I want to emphasise that I most certainly do not have it all together or all my ducks in a row, but I'm sold out to Jesus to help me daily in this walk. God's grace doesn't allow me to fall far when I stumble. Even when it feels as if the wheels came off completely, the truth is that I've grown, and it is never starting over but afresh.
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